Money in Manchester

Wow. It's been quite a week down in Manchester. The Team has a new boss and he's got a bit of cash to spend. This week saw the world record amount payed for a footballman, when several MILLION pounds was spent on a new man.

It might seem like a lot but it small potatoes compared with his spending within the club. On his very first morning at the club he wrote out a cheque for an undisclosed figure to have the entire football ground moved 3 meters closer to his parking spot. When asked why he didn't just move the parking spot closer to the ground. He simply took an uncut diamond out of his pocket estimated to be worth over eighty thousand pounds and swallowed it.

His new practice ground for the team has caused it's fair share of controversy too. It's an exact copy of the current stadium except the foundations are built out of silver. It sits exactly next door to the existing ground and it would take a serious fan to spot the difference.

I was lucky enough to ask him a question at his recent press-conference. I asked why he'd picked Manchester United over every other team in the world. Moments later he was swallowing a diamond.

So is this exactly what the premiership needs in order to take it to the same levels as some of the Asian or Atlantic leagues or is this an example of a megalomaniac with too much money playing the Footsie instead of the FTSE. One things for sure it'll be interesting to see whose wearing ear-rings at Saturday's game.

Nick Nolte to play Ian Rush

The wait is over. IMDB reported yesterday that Nick Nolte will play Ian Rush in the controversial film about his life on and off the pitch. A drunken Nolte was spotted heckling in the audience at Saturdays game, possibly picking up a few tips.

The film which will be in French with English subtitles is rumored to be a grueling 4 hours long. Rush, who famously saved a goal in an important match, has had very little to do with the process. He told reporters "I've had very little to do with the process."

Rush's off-match antics earned him a huge amount of press attention in the late nineties. He's popularly credited for the now banned post-match tradition of "Swan-rocketing". A game that eventually landed him with a hefty fine from the RSPCA and a lifetime ban from the boating lake in Harlow, Essex.

The disgusting Rush will feature briefly in the film, playing an angry fan who attacks Nick Nolte. Many fear it'll be too close to the bone considering he punched every mirror he walked past for the vast majority of his career in an act he referred to as "grounding".

No title has been announced for the film, perhaps readers of The Footballs would care to hazard a guess.

Poor turnout at Newcastle match.

So. Grim times for Newcastle United. It was an all-time low for seating numbers down at the Kennel this Saturday. The area behind one of the two goals, affectionately know by the fans as The Labyrinth, had just nine spectators in it at one point. Many of those could well have been match officials.

 What caused this lull in numbers? Several theories are being banded about by the papers. Some blame the catering which is notoriously abysmal. Others blame the Spanish referee but many people, including myself, think it’s as a result of the recent departure of the boss Kevin Keegan.

The 8 fans resorted to chants such as “Oooooh Ooooh Show me Kevin, cover me. Leave me breathless.” It emerged on the Toonisian’s official magazine that many fans had in fact been coming to the Kennel for years simply to watch Kevin watching the mach rather than watching the match themselves. A simple raise of his eyebrows was often enough to bring the entire Labyrinth to it’s knees.

 The match itself was a shambles. A penalty was given due to a poorly judged butt challenge and despite the Goalies off-putting starjumps Lampers dribbled it home.

Three goals later and The Newts (Newcastle United) had seen enough. The referee could see they were beaten and called full time ten minutes early.

 It was a sad day for the once glorious Newts. An exhausted Alan Shaker left the ground screaming grey thunder at anything that blinked. So what’s the answer? In my humble opinion: Football.

Hot Debate - The Nutmeg

A beautiful tradition going back years, or an ugly blight on a glorious sport?

As you are all aware the Nutmeg has been all over the sporting press over the last month following Alan Sugar's financially backed proposition to create a new rule whereby kicking the ball between an opponents legs constitutes a goal. He drove fear deep into the hearts of fans of the footer when he was quoted saying "This will be a reality, I don't care how much it costs".

While he was panned by the press, I for one think it might add a new angle to the game. Taller players such as Tores and Finnegan would lose their unfair advantages and the players who are good at kicking would have something extra to aim at.

Some critics have called for an all out ban on the nutmeging in favour of the far safer South American style "Jail-Birding". Personally I think this is ludicrous.

One things for sure. It'll be interesting to see whose wearing shin-pads and who isn't at Saturday's game.

Giggs red-faced over slogan

The long running feud between team-mates Ryan Giggs and Paul Scoles has escalated to more than just dressing-room japes.

Giggs, who has always been jealous of the "Scoles Means Goals" catchphrase attempted to start his own one during a recent interview on Match Of The Day 2. He asked fans to start shouting "Giggs Means Figs" and went as far as to request that they throw figs onto the pitch every time he scores.

UEFA officials were quick to denounce this as "...fruit being thrown has the potential to incite violence". The Met office has confirmed that customs and excise dogs, trained in detecting food products will be on hand for Saturday's match and anybody caught smuggling figs into the ground will have their ticket confiscated.

Have footballman's egos reached new heights or is this exactly the sort of thing a dying game needs?

England 4 Croatia 1

First of all: WHAT A RESULT.

I can honestly say it's the first time I've enjoyed an international game in bloody ages. Man of the match. Well, how can you pick but for me it would have to be Walthcock.

Despite the amount of rain over the last month there was very little water on the pitch. A testament to the excellent greensman Roy Edwards. I imagine Roy will be returning to his tiny home tonight with a hop in his step.

So lets start from the beginning. An excellent start from the referee. A coin was tossed. It seemed an incredibly fair way to pick who kicks first. I can imagine with all that testosterone in the air, things could get pretty heated without such a system!!!!!

Before long we saw a goal. It was massive. At one point I thought it hadn't actually gone in the net but it was just the angle of the camera. After the goal, the ball was placed back on the middle ark. BANG! We were off again.

This went for two equal segments of 45 minutes. I'd imagine the bosses had some words to say to their men during the interval as they all ran back on with a spark in their boots.

So a hat-trick for the brits, but for my money Crotia shouldn't even have been allowed one. It could have been two. Luckily it wasn't

Frank Lampard scored a goal that takes me back to the glory days of The Carthorse (Les Ferdinand). It was un-allowed by Cliff Hawthorne. The referee was powerless. I don't know about you but this is just more evidence to suggest a system such as the Swiss "Eye in the sky" or the Belgians "Ear to the ground" techniques to stop foul calls.

So, could this mark a change in fortune for the Brits? If so, who is responsible? The Boss or the Fans?