Say "Burnley" to anybody and the first thing they'll think of is lousy churches and fat nans. Well, many of you will be interested to know there's also a local footie team. Burnley FC (The Firemen), are a hilarious bunch of chancers who meet once a week for a kick about, under the watchful eye of their hapless master Owen "the spring" Coyle.
Their "all-star" cast of semi professional players still draw quite a crowd to this very day, egged on by their bawdy mascot Bertie The Bee. One of their more colourful characters is the goal saver Diego Penny. After moving to Lancashire to join the 'Fire Brigade' he juggled his time between training and his job at the fish mongers at the Apollo shopping centre. He says the shop's takings double if he saves a penalty however if he misses an easy save, he's too afraid to even open the shop after an angry fan recently went on a 14 hour rampage hurling fish and ice at the pathetic spaniard. His baffling on-pitch catch-phrase "I thaaaawd I thaaaaw a thaaaawdfish" has become the cry of the town and fans have taken to wearing the slogan on pretty much anything.
The club faced tragedy not long ago when the ground sadly burnt to the ground. There was a great deal of confusion based around the fact that the team are nick-named "The Firemen", and many players died after they incorrectly rushed into the fire thinking the fans were calling them rather than the real fire brigade.
Some people might mock a little team like Burnley but I say thank the lord for them. The game they play actually resembles the game I grew up playing in parks rather than the heaving, sweating bastard of a sport they pipe down our brains every weekend for £3,50 a pop. What do you think?
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