NEW SEASON!

Open your saxophone cases. Dust off your trouser-presses. Wipe down your cheese-knives. It's a new season and The Footballs have started again. BANG! IN YOUR FACE to all those who said the game was dead and wouldn't be returning in 2009.

The first match was so good. All the men were back on the pitch after their summers off. There were loads of headers. In fact it was like they'd never been away. The referee was out. There were all those white lines on the pitch. Man, it was exactly as good as I remembered from last year.

A lot of readers of the blog have been asking why the season ever has to stop at all? Well, I hear 'ya people. God I wish it didn't, but I like to look at it like this:

Imagine if a cobbler wasn't permitted a holiday. He'd be heeling brogues back to front, he'd be buffing up suede with shoe-polish and he'd be re-lacing slip-ons. It'd be chaos. Football is no different. These guys need a break, just like everybody else. Look at what happened towards the end of last season with Liverpool. The guys were over worked. Yeah, they shouldn't have set fire to that homeless guy in the changing rooms but they were knackered.

So the new season of course brings with it a few new rules. The one that's causing the most chatter at the beer pumps this year is the introduction of a third card. For years now the poor referee has been limited to just two cards. RED and YELLOW. In a bid to show that they are "doing their bit" towards climate change, the F.A. are now issuing referees with a GREEN card, which will be used to penalise players whose actions are deemed to be detrimental to the environment.

It was clear the fans are unsure about the new rule when the card had it's first outing during The Hot Spurs against Man Chests United on Saturday. Jermaine DeFoe was cautioned after his trainer rushed onto the pitch and sprayed his leg with a muscle-soothing coolant known to contain above average levels of CFC. The Spurs manager was also asked to leave the pitch after he was overheard bragging to a linesman that "he'd left a generator running at home AGAIN".

So here we go, here we go, here we go again for another year of British football at it's best. What do I think? Well, there's only one environmental issue on my mind. GOALS!