So. Grim times for Newcastle United. It was an all-time low for seating numbers down at the Kennel this Saturday. The area behind one of the two goals, affectionately know by the fans as The Labyrinth, had just nine spectators in it at one point. Many of those could well have been match officials.
What caused this lull in numbers? Several theories are being banded about by the papers. Some blame the catering which is notoriously abysmal. Others blame the Spanish referee but many people, including myself, think it’s as a result of the recent departure of the boss Kevin Keegan.
The 8 fans resorted to chants such as “Oooooh Ooooh Show me Kevin, cover me. Leave me breathless.” It emerged on the Toonisian’s official magazine that many fans had in fact been coming to the Kennel for years simply to watch Kevin watching the mach rather than watching the match themselves. A simple raise of his eyebrows was often enough to bring the entire Labyrinth to it’s knees.
The match itself was a shambles. A penalty was given due to a poorly judged butt challenge and despite the Goalies off-putting starjumps Lampers dribbled it home.
Three goals later and The Newts (Newcastle United) had seen enough. The referee could see they were beaten and called full time ten minutes early.
It was a sad day for the once glorious Newts. An exhausted Alan Shaker left the ground screaming grey thunder at anything that blinked. So what’s the answer? In my humble opinion: Football.
2 comments:
Football will out.
Well done fellow Newcastle fans for hounding out Mike Ashley.
Here is a man whose sole purpose was to bring destruction to our beloved club and ruining all our lives. I wouldn’t have put it past him to sell all our children to pharmaceutical companies for medical experiments just to make a little bit of extra money.
So, pat yourself on the back, put your feet up and wallow in the warmth of contentment that you must surely feel.
I mean, imagine what would have happened if we had let him and his cronies carry on with the absurd policies that he was implementing? Where would the club have been then, eh?
I’m sure Ashley is now thinking that ‘if it wasn’t for that pesky Keegan he would have gotten away with it!’ just after the collective North East Mystery Gang ripped off his mask and exposed him for the true villain he is.
Perhaps the Geordie Inquisition can now finally flush out all the remaining heretics and Ashleyites that are hiding in the shadows and bring them to justice.
Thankfully we can all resume business as usual safe in the knowledge that the club is merely drifting along in the tides and eddies of the modern era with no suitable person at the helm to guide us safely to port.
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