What next for The Hams?

Unless you've been living in a shoe, you'll be aware that the Hams have got off to the worst start in the history of Footballs. All you have to do is walk through the streets of Tottenham and you can feel the misery in the air.

A filthy Juande Ramos has publicly taken the full force of the angry fans after his monumental loss against Hull, who embarrassingly aren't even in the Premiership. The two teams faced each other because of a simple clerical error in the scheduling office. The match took place this weekend much to the bemusement of the away fans who believed they were attending an Arsenal match.

The Hams, who famously scored lots of goals in other seasons, put their misfortune down to unsettled weather, bickering amongst the players and the recent dismissal of their legendary tour-bus driver Keith "The Sheath" Edmonds. Morale in the camp has been low ever since he lost his job for his repeated safe-sexual assaults.

So what can they do? In the words of Jimmy Grieves "All you can do is turn up on time, keep your boots clean and try not to cry". Sage words from a man now sadly crippled with wheat intolerance.